


What If I Said...

by SSA_A



Series: BAU Text World [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: M/M, Non-Binary Spencer Reid, Not Beta Read, Papa Rossi, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Protective David Rossi, Sad Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, The BAU Team as Family (Criminal Minds), love that man, spencer reid needs therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29665044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSA_A/pseuds/SSA_A
Summary: They honestly didn’t even know what they were doing, it had been a bad case sure, but they never went to rooftops to just stare down at the ground below, that’s the kind of thing that would get them a Psych Eval which they did not want.Takes place at the end of chapter 6 of Bad Asses Unite!
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Spencer Reid & David Rossi
Series: BAU Text World [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2172564
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	What If I Said...

**Author's Note:**

> Slight bit of hurt Spencer, they just need to realize that they have a family and the team are happy to help! Also more Pap Rossi because I love him

Spencer could feel their phone going off as they sat down but they didn’t really care to look. They were never a fan of heights, the idea of falling and not being able to save themself was something that messes with them. 

They honestly didn’t even know what they were doing, it had been a bad case sure, but they never went to rooftops to just stare down at the ground below, that’s the kind of thing that would get them a Psych Eval which they did not want. 

They felt their phone go off again and didn’t even look at it, most likely a message from the chat again. They took a breath, hating how difficult it seemed. They were not going to have a panic attack on top of a Police Precinct. They couldn’t. 

Their phone went off again and they turned it around without caring before they looked up at the sky. They took another breath which was much more difficult and then another and another until they were gasping, feeling like they were drowning. 

They could hear the victims calling for help right before the unsub had killed them and their heart was racing again. They weren’t fast enough to save her. She was a mother. A sister. A daughter. And they watched as her life was taken from her, watched as the unsub killed her without any mercy. They could still see the second that her life left her eyes and they let out a sob before they even realized they were crying. 

She would have been alive if they had seen the pattern quicker. If they had spent less time eating and more time profiling they would have found her sooner. If they hadn’t flirted with Aaron they would have found her. If they had just been smarter they would have saved her.

Their phone was continuously buzzing and they grabbed it, wanting to turn it off before they realized how many messages and missed calls they had from everyone. Then they realized the time. They had been on the roof for close to an hour and no one knew where they were. 

They text Aaron. Aaron would know how to help. Aaron always helped them. 

They were just putting their phone down when the door to the roof opened and Aaron was running towards them and Spencer turned around to see him. 

“Baby. Are you okay? What happened?” He sounded hurt and confused and Spencer knew it was their fault they made Aaron sound like that. 

“I wasn’t fast enough.” They let out another sob and Aaron pulled them into his lap. “I wasn’t fast enough.”

“Baby it’s okay. It’s okay.” Spencer knew it wasn’t okay, they knew everyone was freaking out and they had got a woman killed and the day was not a good day at all, they should have stayed in bed all day.

“I killed her.” Aaron hushed them as they spoke but Spencer knew it was the truth, they knew they got that woman killed. 

“You did everything right Spencer. You are not to blame.” Spencer didn’t answer, they knew Aaron wouldn’t understand it. “I know you blame yourself but you can’t. You know you did everything in your power but sometimes it doesn’t work out.”

“She had a baby. A little boy who’s going to grow up without a mom.” They weren’t crying as hard anymore so they could at least make sentences up. “He’s not going to have a mom.”

“Spencer, look at me.” Spencer didn’t move so Aaron moved their head so they could lock eyes. “You did nothing wrong. You worked hard and fast, and you cannot blame yourself for an unsubs behavior.” 

“My fault.” Spencer wasn’t going to believe Aaron, they knew he would tell them what they wanted to hear. “My fault.” They repeated and looked away from Aaron. 

“I’m not going to be able to change your mind but maybe having time with your family will help.” Spencer didn’t say anything and Aaron must have taken that as consent because they were being lifted into his arms and carried towards the door. 

Aaron set them down as they waited for the elevator and typed a message out to the group since Spencer’s phone went off at the message as well. 

“Bonding time in our room,” Spencer just hummed and stepped into the elevator when it arrived before Aaron was beside them, “If you don’t want to I can send them away.”

“Stay.” Spencer spoke quietly, Aaron nodded and the two of them stepped out of the elevator when it reached the first floor. 

“Detective, there has been a small issue with my team that we need to fix. We will finish the paperwork before we leave tomorrow.” Spencer hated being seen as a problem, _an_ _issue_ _that needed_ _fixed_. They were a mess and Aaron didn’t sign up for it. 

“Thank you for your help Agent Hotchner and Dr Reid. We couldn’t have done it without you.” Aaron shook the Detectives hand before ushering Spencer out of the building and into one of the SUVs left. 

“I’m sorry.” They spoke quietly, not wanting to cause anymore problems. 

“Baby, why are you sorry?” Spencer shook their head and Aaron didn’t ask again so they stayed quiet the rest of the drive to the hotel. 

They were quiet getting out and heading towards the elevator. They were quiet in the elevator and then walking down the hallway to their room. They were quiet as Aaron opened the door and the wall of noise in the room went silent. 

“Spencer! We missed you.” It was Penelope pulling them into a hug which they squirmed out of before grabbing Aaron’s hand. “Sorry. I should have asked.”

Spencer hated that. They hated not being able to touch people without warning. They hated that they couldn’t hug their friends sometimes because the itch in their skin was too much and it felt like it burned with touch. They hated it. 

“We have snacks incoming with Derek and JJ, Rossi got us all room service and we have shitty movies to watch. It’s like Girls and Queer Night but with the boys.” Penelope was explaining everything as Spencer looked around with wide eyes. 

The hotel room, that was plain yesterday, was covered in pillows and covers, the bed was covered in food and the window was covered to block out all light. It looked cozy. 

“It’s nice.” They complemented Penelope who bowed dramatically before she was sitting between Rossi and Emily, both already snacking on Nachos. 

“Pick a space.” Spencer remembered that Aaron was right behind them and they jumped a little before picking a seat beside Rossi, and Aaron boxed them in on the other side. 

“Hey Kid.” Rossi was watching them, profiling them, and Spencer didn’t care. “Can I hug you?”

“Little hug?” It was a system they had worked out a long time ago. A little hug meant an arm over their shoulder, a normal hug meant two arms and one kiss, while a big hug meant them being held by Rossi as he talked to them quietly. 

“A little hug for you then.” Spencer relaxed slightly at the reassuring weight of Rossi’s arm and Aaron’s hand on their leg. It was calming them down. 

“Sorry.” They said quietly, only Rossi and Aaron heard them and they both looked a little confused. 

“What for Spencer?” Spencer just shook their head again, not wanting to vocalize that they were sorry for being there, they were sorry for not being good enough, they were sorry for not being strong enough. 

Before they could be questioned anymore there was a knock on the door before Derek and JJ were there and holding bags of snacks. 

“I come bearing gifts of the savory kind.” Derek bowed dramatically as he placed the bag on the floor beside Penelope. 

“And I of the sweet kind.” JJ dropped her bag down beside Dereks before the two of them moved into seats. JJ sitting on Emily’s lap, which Spencer had to admit they were very cute, and Derek beside Penelope, holding her hand.

“So what move is first?” Emily was still eating the nachos, handing some to JJ as well, and Spencer moved closer to Aaron in an attempt for comfort. 

“Legally Blonde is first.” Aaron groaned at the choice while the others laughed and even Spencer smiled a little more, they liked this movie. 

The movie started and the room was quiet for all of five minutes before everyone was laughing and throwing popcorn at each other. Spencer had moved so they were sitting on Aaron’s lap, legs thrown over Rossi’s legs, and they were enjoying Aaron rubbing circles into their back. 

Spencer turned slightly, leaning very carefully to the side so they could steal a kiss from Aaron as the movie played behind them. Aaron kissed them back, then he kissed them again and again until Spencer was sure everyone was watching them. 

Aaron moved away after a couple of minutes and Spencer resisted the urge to whine because they felt Aaron’s lips on their ear and they shivered. “We need to talk about your coping mechanisms. Being a brat for punishment is not how you cope.” 

Spencer looked down guiltily, they didn’t think Aaron had caught onto their plan but he was too smart for his own good. 

“I know you Baby, I know you want to hurt but that isn’t healthy. We will talk when we are back home.” Spencer just nodded and moved so their head was laying on Aaron’s shoulder. 

The movies kept going and the food was eaten. The group was slowly falling asleep, and soon it was only Spencer and Rossi awake as the quiet noise of the movie filled the air. 

Spencer could still feel Rossi’s arm on their leg, still holding them in a ‘little hug’ they had asked for all those hours ago and it wasn’t enough for them anymore. They needed more from their ‘papa’. 

“Papa, big hug?” Rossi quickly pulled them into his lap, making sure Aaron didn’t wake from the move and Spencer felt a few tears fall from their eyes. 

“You are amazing kiddo. Everyday you wake up and get ready to fight the world, you are so strong. I am proud you are my kid.” Spencer was crying into his neck at that and Rossi just ran a hand down their back comfortingly and Spencer felt safe. “I love you Spence.”

“I ruin everything. I got her killed. Aaron doesn’t want me. I’m a mess.” They were speaking through hiccups but Rossi just listened to them quietly. 

“You did nothing wrong Zucca.” Spencer liked that name from Rossi. It was nice. “Let me ask you a question. Is it Aaron’s fault that Foyer killed Hayley? Is it his fault for not being fast enough?” 

“No. Never. He did everything he could, you know that. Don’t even imply that.” Spencer moved away from Rossi, how could he even think it was Aaron’s fault? He did everything in his power to save Hayley, it was not his fault. 

“You did everything in your power Zucca. You did everything.” Spencer blinked a few times, they didn’t know what to do. Rossi was being logical but they didn’t want facts, they wanted someone to hold them and let them cry. 

“I’m a mess.” Rossi didn’t say anything, wanting Spencer to continue talking obviously, “I’m an addict. I have a shitty past. My mental health is like a fucking spinning wheel of horror. He could do so much better.” 

“I don’t want anyone else. I want you.” Spencer froze as they heard Aaron’s voice from beside them. How much had he heard?  _ Fuck.  _ “I want you Baby.” 

“See. He wants you Zucca, maybe you two should talk? I’ll put music on.” Spencer nodded, not wanting to say anything and Rossi moved them back to Aaron’s lap before he was plugging his headphones into his phone for music. 

“I will always choose you Baby. You.” Aaron kissed their nose gently and moved to speak again. “You make me happy, you make Jack happy, and you make this team happy. Everyday I wake up and smile because you are beside me, and I know it’s going to be a good day when you are here. You have a past? So do I, but we can work together to help each other and maybe one day we can look back and see that it wasn’t our fault. That we made it out and that is a good thing.” 

Spencer just listened, their heart racing at the words from Aaron before they felt him brush away a few tears and they leaned forward. “I think I’m in love with you Aaron Hotchner.” 

“That’s good ‘cause I think I’m in love with you Spencer Reid.” Spencer was pulled into a kiss and they melted in Aaron’s hold, they knew It would take a while but one day they would be able to smile without remembering the bad stuff and they hoped Aaron would be apart of it with them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone has to know my love for Papa Rossi and him calling Spencer ‘pumpkin’ in Italian, like I cannot stop seeing it


End file.
